August 15 – Things are relatively calm as summer break comes to an end

Romian orphans from 1990 investigation
‘No news is good news’ is my mantra and that certainly applies to Ana for the past couple weeks. Her new medication cocktail seems to be lowering her agitation. In fact, she hasn’t self-injured in FOUR DAYS!!! She returns to school next week and is excited. We are wrapping things up here for summer break and everything seems to be going well.

Tomorrow we are doing fun family stuff all day and already she is out of sorts. My parents are in town for the festivities and that is throwing her for a loop. In a 24 hour period she will be seeing grandparents, both sets of aunt and uncles and cousins, riding rides, and eating at her favorite restaurant. That might be too much but we will see. We have contingency plans in place for every step.

This week I had a little pity party for myself. For no good reason at all I took a look at my life versus the lives of other people with ‘normal’ kids and man! do they look different. And I felt angry. And sad. And depressed. For a few days I felt like throwing in the towel. I mean, am I actually accomplishing anything? Can Ana actually be saved at all or is she already broken?

Then after a heart to heart with myself and God I realized that a loooong time ago I asked God for wisdom and to use me to do something big (and I emphasized BIG). So, he gave me Ana. And Drew. And Grace. And Hannah and Grace mixed in just for fun. I don’t know anything harder or bigger or requiring more wisdom than raising this crew. So, I figured when I’m feeling all pithy, I should really be thanking God for giving me what I want and having enough faith in me to do the job right.

(Then that makes me think about the omniscient powers of God and that he knows all things before they happen and that he planned for me to have the kids because he already knew the outcome ((which I don’t I might add)) and all that just makes my head hurt so I quit thinking)

In the end, I say ‘Thank you, God, for all you give me’ and go to sleep.

Tomorrow is another day. And next week begins another school year. I need to enjoy the peace for the time being.

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