Ana, Hannah and Drew on vacation last year
This has (thankfully) been a very uneventful week with Ana. There were a lot of noises and the transition from school to home was rough (not sure why) but overall it’s been good.
Ana had one typical, text-book, RAD moment this week. We, as in my husband and I, have been struggling with her yucky noises and not reacting to them, so we enacted a new rule – yucky noises are allowed outside and in Ana’s room only. This is for everyone’s sanity! She is allowed to make quiet noises in the rest of the house but if she starts with the obnoxious noises we tell her she’s welcome to make all the yucky noises she wants, but she needs to move downstairs (to her room). No anger. No frustration. We even smile when we say it.
This has really thrown her for a loop since SO MANY battles have focused on her noises. I was waiting for the boundary testing to begin, and begin it did this week. As usual, Ana waited till I was super, über busy to push. I was frying bacon, holding a fussy baby, comforting a crying toddler and refereeing Hannah and Drew and Ana started her noises. I nicely told her to go down to her room. She said no. So, still being nice, I escorted her down to her room. Before I even got back to the bacon, she was back upstairs, yucky noises in tow.
I took her back downstairs, less friendly this time. She followed me back up.
I told her she could not come back up until her noises were out of her, and I’d let her know when that was. So she stood on the top step and yelled.
At this point I knew she had won. I had two choices. I could ignore the noises because I was busy (the win goes to Ana) or I could spend my time chasing her down the stairs every other minute (win for Ana because she had my attention). I could not think of any other way to remedy the situation.
I admit, I gave up. I put her downstairs and ignored her.
Since then I’ve done a lot of reflecting and found my flaw in that situation. I should never have allowed myself to get in a situation where I could not drop what I was doing and attend to Ana. I got off my plan.
We now have one of Ana’s classroom assistants who is coming to help me a few hours each week. I need to allow her to help me more so that I can focus on Ana when the need arises. It is hard, though, to rely on anyone, and my kids aren’t used to it.
On a good note, Ana did something totally NOT RAD like this week as well. She was in a fit on the way home from school, kicking and screaming in the van and accidentally kicked Hannah, who in turn could have won an Oscar with the performance she put on.
Ana really felt bad. Sincerely, totally, 100% felt bad that she hurt her sister. She hugged her and calmed down. I was so proud of her!
There is hope, after all.